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I Haven't Been Myself


by John Reuben




Chorus
Im not alright I havent been myself lately
Im not okay with the way Ive let my thoughts overtake
take me away to a place I shouldnt have gone
I hope Im not here for long
Ill see you when Im better
Ill see you when Im better
Its gotta get worse to get better
it went from no way never to okay whatever
slowly but surely and sure is, sure is blurry
the things that once were me are no longer
every so often God reminds me
but Im always there in front to blind me
man, I value my pride more than peace of mind
my precious pride
there was a time when I had control
but I let it go
I watched the world pass in slow motion
my lifes ahead of me
I cant catch up
stuck in a rut
I went to willingly
these thoughts are killing me
I wish I could control myself but I cant
or can I? Man Im gone
I hope Im not here for long
its just a visit
ashamed of who Ive become
its not really me, or is it?
Chorus
Thoughts led to emotion which led to action
I hate the fact that it happened
The Lord can forgive and forget
But Im not able to do it
Maybe there is where the problem lies
Im unable to forgive myself
Plus Im too proud to ask for help
Well Im sorry for who Ive become
I guess circumstances can leave you numb
Plus I refused accountability
It seemed like such small things you found in me
I called you secluded and alluded to the fact that your concerns were silly
Man dont overreact
Now lookin back in hindsight
Im able to see that you were right
Is it too late for me?
I know its not
Its just up to me to choose to stop
Chorus
 


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