Sermon Illustrations

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Friends of George Burns have always kidded him about his singing. Burns, a master of self-deprecating humor, decided to take advantage of this and insure his voice for a million dollars. He thought it would be a wonderful publicity stunt.

"I was so excited," said Burns, "I couldn't wait to rush down to the insurance company. I took a cassette and a tape recorder with me so the insurance man could hear my voice. It was one of my best numbers -- a syncopated version of Yankee Doodle Blues with a yodeling finish. The insurance man listened patiently to the whole thing, then he just looked at me and said, 'Mr. Burns, you should have come to us before you had the accident.'"

Bits & Pieces, March 3, 1994, p. 7.

The most overdue book in the history of library services was a copy of Febrile Diseases. It was checked out of the University of Cincinnati Medical Library in 1823 by Mr. M. Dodd and returned on December 7, 1968 by his great-grandson. It had accrued a fine estimated at $2,646.

Campus Life, September 1980. 

A factory manager found that production was being hampered by the tardiness of his people returning from the lunch hour. When the whistle blew few were at their machines. He posted a sign by the suggestion box offering a cash award for the best answer to this question: "What should we do to ensure that every man will be inside the factory when the whistle blows?"

Many suggestions were submitted, and the one that was selected solved the problem. But the manager, a man with a sense of humor, liked this one best, though he could not use it: "Let the last man in blow the whistle."

Source Unknown.

Overheard at the bus stop: "Joe's chronically late for everything. His ancestors came over on the Juneflower." 

Shelby Friedman in Quote Magazine.

A new employee had been caught coming in late for work three times and the fourth morning the foreman decided to read the riot act. "Look here," he snapped, "don't you know what time we start work around here?" "No, sir," said the man, "they're always working when I get here."

Source Unknown.